Inside Out

I am an inside gal. I like to cook and do things inside the house. I do not enjoy gardening and being outside much. I especially don't like the creepy crawly things outdoors. No I am not mentally unstable and I do not obsess over them I just prefer the indoors. My three oldest grandchildren and one of their friends came over to have a cookout and grill hot dogs and marshmallows. While the fire was catching up in the fire pit located on our back deck they wanted me to play soccer with them. I am old, slow, and basically worn-out but I agreed. I couldn't believe how much energy I mustered up once we began to play. My husband and I faired pretty good considering we were playing against two 8 year olds (who are great soccer players), a 6 year old (who thinks and acts 12), and a 4 year old (who regularly practices with the 8 year old team even though he is on the 4 & 5 year old team.) We cooked and ate outside on the patio. After dinner all of us took a walk, played freeze tag, swung on the swingset, jumped on the trampoline, and finished the evening by playing dodge ball. We were sitting on the deck watching the remains of the fire slowly burning out when my 8 year old came and sat down in my lap, put her arms around my neck while placing her forehead against mine and said, "Nona, I have had so much fun today. You are the coolest Nona in the world." Then her friend said, "Yes she is." "THE COOLEST NONA IN THE WORLD" can you believe it "THE COOLEST NONA IN THE WORLD". I can't keep from typing it over and over again. After they went home my husband and I sat down on the couch with ice packs on our legs and shoulders and a heating pad on our back not being able to move our pinkie or our little toe. I looked over to him and said, " Well guess what I have decided I am an outside person now. I have had so much fun I am going from the inside to the outside even if it means we eat out more often." I feel so liberated!

THE DREADED YARD SALE

My youngest daughter decided to have a yard sale for the specific reason to sale all of my grandson's baby clothes. She is pregnant with a little girl and will no longer need my grandson's baby things. She and her husband have decided that this baby will be the caboose. I did not think I could depart with his things so I opted out of helping with this sale. Well guess what I did? I felt sorry for her because she was pregnant having to care for a two year old while watching her money box, and helping people at the yard sale, so I not only told her I would keep the two year old but I ended up spending the night, staying up until 11:30 helping her price things and eventually going to sleep with my grandson in his full sized bed (I am used to a king size.) He is not used to sleeping with anyone so he kicked, slapped, poked, and rolled over every inch of my body. When I awoke the next morning I felt like I had been beaten or either a steam roller had rolled over my entire body in the middle of the night. My grandson looked as if he had had a rough night too. He woke complaining with a toenail hurting. I started questioning myself. Did I get aggrevated in the middle of the night because his toe was up my nose and bit the whole end of his toe or did I in an unconscious state pull his toenail part of the way off while extracting it from hip bone? I began to get very concerned when thinking back over the fact that there was not one inch of his bed I had not slept on in the course of the night. At one point, I felt myself sliding backward off the end of his bed. As I caught myself before hitting the floor, I questioned how on earth I ended up in this twisted position at the foot of his bed. But getting back to the hurt toenail, I vaguely remember a child whinning and me pulling a toe from an entangled cover. The more I thought about it I realized he had a hangnail on his toe and it had gotten caught in his cover. Mystery solved, I think (I pray I didn't do anything drastic to it.)
My daughter was up, showered, dressed and looking very perky. I and my grandson on the other hand looked as if we had been in a battle and we both lost. She needed to go and put up one more sign so she left the two of us starring at eachother across the table. To my surprise, people started coming to the yard sale 3 1/2 hours early. I had on a tee shirt, Bama pajama bottoms and no bra, my hair was tossled all over my head, and I had very little make-up on and tremendous bags under my eyes. I gathered up my grandson and we walked outside. ( I couldn't leave her garage unattended.) Every woman will understand the image of me walking out amoungst 5 people, I didn't know , doing the bent over like an old woman walk so they couldn't see what a white tee shirt would reveal without a bra. Come on now, you know that walk, bent at the waist as far over as you can possible get, pulling on the shirt so it won't stick to your chest. I think I drew more attention by doing this rather than just walking with confidence out to greet these strangers.
There was one younger pregnant woman who was looking for little boy clothes. I felt bad but I could not bring myself to help her. There neatly hung on 3 huge racks were my last grandson's clothes. I stood at the end of the rack crying (like I didn't already look a mess.) I explained to the woman that these were just clothes to her but it was the end of a chapter in my life to me. I don't think she thought I was all there mentally. I told her I remembered him wearing each and every piece of clothing hanging on the racks and it pained me deeply to part with any of it. She had three little outfits in her hands and as I walked over to help another woman she placed them back on the rack and she an her husband almost ran for the car. I felt bad but I didn't want to close that chapter in my life. I am 51 years old and have closed so many chapters but not having any more grandsons was just too painful for me to have to deal with. When my daughter returned, I let her handle the yard sale and I enjoyed the rest of the day with my grandson. As I was playing ball with him, I realized that it was not a chapter ending but a new one beginning with all of the experiences of life I will be spending with, teaching, and enjoying my two grandsons. Well, the old cliche' is true, "Do you look at a glass half empty or half full?" All along I was looking at it half empty. I sure wished I had thought about this when the pregnant woman was holding some of my grandson's clothes.

HINTS ON PRONUNCIATION FOR FOREIGNERS

I take it you already know of tough, bough, cough and dough?

Let's try hiccough, thorough, laugh, and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word that looks like beard and sounds like bird.

And dead: it's said like bed, not bead and please don't call it deed.

Watch out for meat and great and threat

because they rhyme with suite, straight and debt.

A moth is not a moth in mother.

Nor is both in bother or broth in brother.

Here does not match there and neither does dear, fear, bear and pear.

Then there's dose and rose and lose.

Just look them up and you will find goose and choose,

cork and work, card and ward, font and front, word and sword,

do and go, and thwart and cart.

Come, come, I've hardly started! A dreadful language it is to have to learn.

Man alive!

To think we all mastered it when we were five!

Anon.

~It is truly a thousand wonders any of us learned how to read. ~

Remember: that is read and not read (pronounced-red.)

Just typing this blog made my head (not pronounced like bead) hurt.

I taught first grade for 26 years and it

is amazing that all of my babies knew how to read on

First Grade level or higher (not pronounced like eight) before they left my class

(exceptions of course were those with severe learning disabilities.)

Episode ll - CooCoo, Loco

This is a continuation of my previous blog concerning a trip to WalMart.

After I found my husband, I headed for the check-out isle while he went to get the car. Well of course I picked the slowest line ever. The cashier (not her fault) had to call for a price check because Grandma Moses decided her crackers were overpriced at the register by 6 cents (I kid you not.) I could have quilted a blanket while I stood in that line. Because the wait was over a difference of 6 cents I offered the woman a dime and she would not take it. She went into a speech about how big companies like WalMart just take advantage of the little guy and we have to join together and let them know we are not going to stand by and take it. There were some flags for sale at the check-out that were left from Labor Day. I started to take one, cover my heart, and start singing The National Anthem (with no disrespect but what I was thinking at the time) "Ohh say can you see, this idiot in front of me......." But instead I just listened to her rant and rave. Yes, this little old woman went from being calm to a complete and total raving maniac. She finally turned to the cashier and I truly thought she was going to go across the counter and grab her by the shirt or slap her. She began to have a mean tone in her voice and told the cashier it was all because they don't know how to run the darn cash register. They did not have sense God gave to a horse. I had stood all I could stand so stupid me spoke up. I said, "Maam, people make mistakes in scanning these items when they put them on the shelf but all she did was scan it here. She didn't make the mistake someone else did." She turned to me and I took two steps back out of total fear. This sweet little old woman turned into the devil himself. She said, "Let me tell you something, it's because of people like you that our world is like it is today. People like you are chicken and won't stand up for yourself.... The more she talked the more her voice got louder. The poor cashier had exited her post while she was blowing off steam on me. The girl came back with the manager. The manager asked her to please lower her voice and calm down that she was sure she could take care of what ever is wrong. The innocent cashier told the manager it was all over 6 cents. So the manager offered the woman a $5 gift card to settle the matter. Well the little old woman went off on her explaining that she didn't appreciate being bought off. I got my items and went to the next isle (which is what I should have done in the first place.) It took just a couple of minutes to check out. As I was leaving I smiled at the cashier and mouthed to her the words good luck. She just smiled back and leaned behind the manager and made a spinning motion around her temple to say this woman is nuts, coocoo, loco. I shook my head yes and headed for the door. As I was leaving, I thought to myself, "Note to self, do not drink the water at this WalMart, ever!!!!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: There is nothing wrong with the water at WalMart. I just want this to be cleared up so I will not have a lawsuit from WalMart.

WHO ARE YOU?

My husband (Denny) and I went to WalMart tonight to buy a couple of things. We ran into some pretty strange people and some very nice people. We met the first strange person when we walked into the store. There was a (How do I put this nicely?) really peculiar guy standing just inside the door as we walked in. He greeted us with a nod and how are you doing? We nodded and spoke as we entered. Denny needed to go to the food section and I needed to go the the guy's underwear department. (There is something really strange about the departments we chose, don't you think?) O.K. just to set the record straight, "No, I'm not a cross-dresser." My youngest grandson is being potty trained and there are never enough underwear at our house. But anyway, this "peculiar" guy followed me in a very strange way. He darted around, peering out from behind shelves and racks, acting as if he did not want me to see him. He was kind of acting like Richard Carey. The first thing that came to my mind was "Does this guy think I am going to steal something?" Then I started checking to make sure my private garments weren't showing or there wasn't toilet tissue stuck to my shoe. Then it dawned on me that this guy had a screw loose and he could possibly be going to do something to me. So I started the darting thing trying to loose him. I finally got to the men's dressing room (the big walled off area) knowing I had lost him...when all of a sudden I turned the corner and there he was in my face. I let out a squeel that would have made Count Dracula cringe. The poor guy put his hands over his ears and went to the ground on his knees. I just knew I had damaged his hearing for life. The woman at the dressing room and myself helped him up. As he stood up he asked, "Is your name Angela?" I realized that all this poor guy was doing was checking to see if he knew me. I told him my name wasn't Angela and he had scared the life out of me. He said, "You? Honey you scared me so bad I nearly wet my pants." I explained everything very quickly from beginning to end and we all had a great laugh. As I was walking away, he said, "I still believe you are Angela and you just don't want to act like you know me." I don't know what problems he and Angela were having and I really don't care. I just wanted to find Denny and get out of there. I will tell you about some of the other nuts we encountered tonight in future blogs.

THE SIMPLICITIES OF LIFE

Alot of people are never satisfied. Give them a bicycle and they want a Volkswagon. Give them a Volkswagon and they want a van. Give them a van and they want an SUV. Give them an SUV and they have to have a Mercedes. Give them a Mercedes and they have to have a Lamburgini (mispelled). Where does it end? The answer is, it never does. It's sad, but some people will never be happy no matter how many material things they have. So I say we take away all of their cars and make them call a taxi cab.
Now myself, give me a Vanilla Wafer cookie and I am in heaven.

vanilla wafer cookie

I savor every bite. I don't want them in Vanilla Pudding

vanilla pudding

or in some fancy dessert, just give me a plain and simple Vanilla Wafer cookie. I don't want them slathered with peanut butter,

peanut butter

or marshmellow fluff, just the plain old cookie. Now mind you I don't want the fat-free, the low-fat version nor the ones with extra vanilla added. I like just the original Nabisco Vanilla Wafer.
When I am eating them I close my eyes and it takes me back to my childhood. We didn't have a whole lot but we were blessed with a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, with great neighbors, wonderful working parents, clothes on our backs and food on the table. . We had an old car that got us where we needed to go, most of the time. We called her ole Betsy. (If your name is Betsy, please don't take offense. This was an endearing name for our sweet sea-foam green car with fins coming out from each side of the rear and a white stripe with chrome down the middle of it going down the length of the car on both sides.) Our car was about 10 years old and had push buttons located on the dash for DRIVE, REVERSE, NEUTRAL, AND PARK (it really did). Yes, we didn't have the finer things in life but Mom always had a box of Vanilla Wafers for my sister and I and a jar of dill pickles in the fridge for my brother. What more could you ask for? Wow, the simplicity of enjoyment back in the mid and late 60's. How divine! Huh, I may not be a Martha Stewart (see previous blog) but I can be a Candace Olsen (HGTV-DIVINE DESIGN.)

Currently listening : Midnight Snack By The Innocents Release date: 2003-11-01

AN ODE TO DEBBIE IN REMEMBRANCE OF HER DEAR SWEET MOMMA

MEET YOU AT THE GATE
© Barbara Bailey
A beautiful garden now stands alone, missing the one who nurtured it but now she is gone,
Her flowers still bloom,and the sun still shines,
But the rain is like tear drops , for the ones left behind,
The weeds lay waiting to take the gardens beauty away,
But the beautiful memories of its keeper are in our hearts to stay,
She loved every flower even some that were weeds,
So much love she would plant with each little seed,
But just like her flowers she was part of Gods plan,
So when it was her time he reached down his hand,
He looked through the Garden searching for the best,
That's when he found Robin (Anita) , it was her time to rest,
It was hard for those who loved her, to just let her go,
But God had a spot in his garden,that needed a gentle soul,
So when you start missing Robin (Anita), remember if you just wait,
When God has a spot in his garden, She'll meet you at the gate....