I'VE BEEN TAGGED

I didn't even know what being tagged meant. I thought I had won something. "RATS" as the person that tagged me would say. I even thought maybe this was some kind of fun game. OH NO, I've got to write six things you may not know about me (or six things you really don't care to know about me, but I'm gonna (going -it's the teacher in me) tell ya (you-again the teacher in me is coming out) anyway. Some game huh. It sounds like " The Gotcha (got you-sorry I can't help myself) Game." Sounds like torture to me. HEY DEBBIE WHY DON'T YOU JUST PULL MY TOENAILS OUT WITH A VICE, MAKE ME WALK ON HOT COALS BAREFOOT, or MAKE ME SIT AND WATCH RERUNS OF THE LAWRENCE WELK SHOW (sorry Lawrence.) (Just kidding Debbie) Well here goes:

6 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME:

• I love storms. I like to listen to the thunder and the lightning is fascinating to me. I love to sit on my front porch when it is storming and feel the mist of rain cover my face. One day I am going to get struck by lightning and be fried to the rocking chair.
• I am scared of any kind of creepy crawly bug. Anything from ants, to grasshoppers, to lizards, to snakes. I panic and jump on the tallest thing around me. And yes there have been times when Denny's (my husband's) head was the tallest thing I could find.
• I can not be trusted with a checkbook. My husband takes care of paying bills and gives me a check when I need to buy groceries or something discussed by both of us. His philosophy is pay bills first and then what is left over be divided between luxuries and savings and balance the checkbook every time you make a purchase (go figure.) My philosophy is I don't actually know what the balance is because I guess-ta-mate (I don't think that is a legitimate word but every woman in America knows what I am talking about.) Sometimes the balance I want it to be and the actual balance are not the same.
• I am terrified of heights. I can truly stand on the stool in my kitchen and I get a case of weak knees and nose bleeds. My only reoccurring nightmares are either when I am stuck in a tree and can't get down or when I am on a high mountain looking down and there is no way down except straight down. (I know you have seen the National Geographic shows where an airplane is filming hikers and goes around and around the hikers while their heads are in the clouds and they are on one little peak at the top with no way down not even a little nicely carved out trail. Well, put me in their place and that is my nightmare.)
• I have always wanted to work at SeaWorld. Remember I am terrified of heights but I think it would be fun for Orca or Shamoo (? spelled) to pick me up by their nose and throw me in the air (I would have my eyes closed of course.) There is one problem though I am scared to be in fresh water or the ocean with creatures swimming around and under me. So SeaWorld would have to teach the whale to pick me up from the dry ground. I guess that is why I never decided to pursue this dream.
• I have panic attacks when I have to go to the GYN. No I didn't spell gym, I spelled GYN. I like everyother woman go once a year but I think about it off an on for 11 3/4 months. I have at least two to three attacks a month when it pops in my head. I know it is necessary but my GYN doctor will not listen to me. I told him he could make a fortune if he would develop a pant suit with a collar that is only in the front. We could drop a little drop seat flap where he could perform the exam but we would still feel covered because they are pants and the collar we could lift and cover our head. I just have one question before I wrap this blog up and that is why do they always have to ask you your life's story from the last time they saw you including asking about your family. I find it a bit annoying to talk about my husband, children and grandchildren while some man has his hand embedded in an opening in my body (and no I am not talking about my mouth.)

O.K. Debbie I did it. Now is the fun part because now I get to tag someone. I tag Darlene.

Darlene all you have to do is write 6 things we may not know about you. You title the blog: I Have Been Tagged. Then begin the blog 6 things you may not know about me (or 6 things you really don't care to know about me, but I'm gonna tell ya anyway!!!!)

ARE YOU A MARTHA OR AN ERMA?

MARTHA STEWART TO ERMA BOMBECK:

Hi Erma,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in blues and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it. I made the white horse from DNA that I just had sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling.

Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made centerpieces for my table. I then made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) from Hungarian clay, which you can get in almost any Hungarian craft store.

Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I am wearing for breakfast.

I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long - I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement (guests include the President's wife and the Vice President's wife) at noon. It's a very good thing.

Love, Martha

P.S. When I made the ribbon for the typewriter, I used l/8-inch gold gauze. I soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries which I grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.

RESPONSE FROM ERMA BOMBECK:

Dear Martha,

I'm writing on the back of an old shopping list using my daughter's crayon (never can find a pen or pencil when you need one), pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains. Coffee and jelly weren't homemade but boy they were finger-lickin-good. I'm 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for school. I'm packing a lunch with one hand while I write with the other. Oh me! The dog pound just called and seems ole' Ledbetter (our hound) needs bailing out again. Burnt my arm on the curling iron last night when I was trying to make those cutsie curly fries. Tasted pretty good. We ate them with a spoon cause they were a little mushy (cause the grease wasn't hot enough.) You ort to try it sometime.

Still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable razor....trashed the idea, didn't work. Tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries mushed up after defrosting them in the microwave. Pretty good after we had to wait 20 minutes to let them cool.

Oh, and don't use Fruitty Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Krispie snowball recipe you gave me, unless you happen to like the disgusting shade of baby pooh.

The smoke alarm is going off, guess I had better run, talk to ya later.

Love, Erma

P.S. I tried making a sled, didn't have a barn. I did get some wood though. I took some planks from the work shed out back (made it lean to the left a little.)

I didn't have a glue gun but used Elmer's. Did you know Elmer's on wood takes 4 weeks to dry and harden. Tried her out and didn't do so well. Oh well, guess I will try her out when it snows maybe it will work better.

Well I don't know about you but I am an Erma. There are times when I have a little Martha wanting to come out in me but old Erma just won't let her out.

A WOMAN'S POEM

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks...

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him...

Like his mother used to do!

(Just kidding! I have a great husband and a terrific mother-in-law and I certainly have never raised my hand to smack my husband yet.)

CHOCOLATE IS A VEGETABLE - WHOO HOO

Guess what I learned? Chocolate is really a vegetable and I will prove my point.
1. Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans and a bean is a vegetable.
2. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar Beets. Both of them are plants hence from the vegetable category.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate covered: raisins , cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit. So the way I see it you can eat as many as you want.
REMEMBER: "STRESSED" SPELLED BACKWARD IS "DESSERTS."

BON APPETITE!!!!